I am so sorry I was not here on the 14th of February to gist you. We would have left the matter for Matthias but the matter that day big pass Matthias, and we can’t just leave it for him alone.
Matthias is my neighbor o, saying he is cute is an understatement. He is about 5.8ft tall and should be in his late twenties, an example of shinning black skin wey dey burst brain. He is a gym instructor but didn’t let his workout destroy his shape. He talks calmly and easily speaks English, Yoruba, and pidgin English.
It was valentine’s day and I was dressing up to go to work that morning when Matthias knocked at my door and asked me the rate of the rooms in Hotel Conga, I told him and he said he will be at the hotel that day. I even promised to give him a discount if he came. I wondered what he was coming to do in the hotel because I have always seen him as a reserved guy. He doesn’t even bring ladies home.
He finally came in the afternoon and I also kept to my word by giving him the room at a discounted rate. Thirty minutes later, he came down to pick up a lady at the reception. Then he ordered two glasses of wine and two plates of Bolognese rice and fried chicken laps.
“This guy even has money”.
In the evening he ordered a plate of okra soup with beef and semolina and a plate of moi moi, salad, and fish.
In the night he ordered pizza and fruit salad. Then a bottle of vodka.
That night, I kept close vigilance around his room. They talked and laughed out loud. At exactly 11.26pm, I stopped hearing their voices, I could only hear sounds from the television. 12.32am, I started hearing strange noises. At 1:23am the noise increased. 2am, the noise was now accompanied by another noise that seemed like someone was hitting on a block of wood, probably furniture. 2:30am the hitting became harder and the noise louder. At 4:30am the noise continued, I got tired and I went to sleep.
6:35am, I got a call from him, I rushed to his room to discover that the bed was broken, I was still trying to figure out what to do when I was told that the jacuzzi glass got broken too.
“The bed got broken,” he said calmly, “and we were almost rounding up, so I decided to give her a jacuzzi adventure”. I looked at him and the lady with gestures expressing that I want to hear more. “We lost control when we reached the peak,” he said shyly.
“It’s actually our first time”, the lady added.
“Yes, we have never been laid before”, he said affirmingly.
“It’s okay, I’m not a monster,” I told them, “I understand how it feels, so I’m going to remove 40% from the bill”
Matthias heaved a sigh of relief. Excited, he asked, “how much is the 60%?”
“Three hundred thousand Naira, sir”, I replied humbly. “And you must pay it before you leave, our hotel rooms are not for acrobatics”.
Well, Hotel Conga now has two new staff, and they are not permitted to leave the hotel until their debts are cleared or worked. I feel bad for my neighbor. If I had known, I would have been inside the room with them to guide them, I regret leaving Martha for Matthias.