A friend of mine was narrating to me how his girlfriend is one of those partners that demand everything but contribute nothing in the relationship. This he did with detailed examples of moments to support his complaint. While he spoke, I realized that for each of those moments he mentioned, he’d end with “I kept quiet” or “I didn’t say anything” or “I let it go”. Then curiously, I asked him why he never told her he was not happy each time such incidents occurred and the cliché reply came; he didn’t want to seem like he was complaining a lot. I was baffled. So he’d rather talk about his relationship outside than resolve his grievances with his girlfriend because he would seem like a complainant. The two eventually had a messy break up that got the attention of the occupants of the lodges where they each stayed. And then it came to me; LITTLE DROPS OF WATER.
Let me explain. So, imagine putting a little drop of water in a big plastic bottle. If this bottle is turned upside down and the water drops on the table, you’d agree with me that wiping it off won’t be hard; you could even use your thumb and wipe it off with just a swipe. Now, if a drop of water keeps entering this bottle to the point it is filled up, you’d see that if eventually you turn it upside down, the mess on the table would be difficult to clean.
Let’s imagine another scenario, a drop of water on a paper is easy to wipe off, but the big bottle of water emptied on the paper is a big mess. If wiped off roughly, the paper will be destroyed beyond use. Even if carefully aired and dried, whatever that’s written in the paper would be hard to read and the paper itself would not remain as flawless as it used to be.
So, let’s bring it down to relationships (not just romantic ones; all, including close friendship, relationship with a roommate etc). So an issue occurs and one party is annoyed with the other but decides to keep it to himself/herself. The matter eventually dies and everyone seem to be doing fine without addressing it. The same or another issue then occurs and no one addresses it too. This would go on for long before an issue that might or might not be related to previous incidents eventually occur and old grievances resurface. If the relationship is very strong, the issues might be resolved but not without a lot of regrettable and hurtful comments or reactions thrown at each other or one party. If it isn’t strong, that’s the end of the relationship there and then; and don’t forget the regrettable and hurtful comments or reactions thrown at each other or one party. And all these my friends make up the DROPS OF WATER EFFECT.
Stay connected for the second part of this topic.